The Flamingo is one of the biggest apartment complexes on South Beach. Adults with Peter Pan complexes, Tony Montana wantabees and even models flock to the Bay Road residencies but it's not enough to pull the building out of bankrupcy. In a last-age effort to grab some public attention the Flamingo moved Brooke Hogan in, yes we said Brook Hogan. If you don't know who she is, we don't blame you. The ditzy daughter of Hulk Hogan had a nonexistent singing career for a minute but is best known for her dad's reality show on VH1, "Hogan Knows Best." The show ended and the family went to hell but somehow Brooke landed her own solo gig and reality television hit an all new low. We watched the show for a couple minutes and believe we are now dumber for it.
The first episode started with Brooke living in an apartment up Collins Avenue called the Mosaic. The penthouse apartment was donated to her for publicity purposes but we guess she just wasn't cutting it and and they booted her. The Flamingo took sloppy seconds and moved Brooke Hogan to the 20th floor of its center tower. We figure if Scarlett Johansson, Justin Timberlake and Shaquille O'Neal couldn't bring buyers and renters in then the Flamingo is a lost cause. Brooke Hogan's beastliness romping through the Flamingo halls will only make apartments forclose faster, if thats even possible. The only thing the building had going for it was the newly renovated south tower, the lobby was turned into a classy haven but the exterior beautification wasn't enough to sell apartments. The circa 1970's stuccoed apartments are hideous, the garage shared by all three buildings is a death trap and central air is just not cool anymore. A tacky orange montra is painted all over the complex, " South Beach revolves around the Us." News flash Flamingo, if you weren't the biggest building on the beach no one would even know you existed. Maybe you should get Brooke Hogan some white paint and a brush and put her in front of the orange walls because re-painting the Flamingo might just be all she's good for.
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